.: Suicide Medicine :.

(The sign I created was suggested by swingdoc. First thing I see in the morning. More about my meds on the LJ cut.)

Rocky Votolato - Suicide Medicine

Brain never stops tickin
Sometimes an on/off switch would sure would come in handy
Mind that’s constantly cutting up dissecting
Looking for answers, committing murders along the way

Is it the red wire? Or the blue wire?
Just pick one and cut
It just doesn’t matter anymore
Or did it ever?
Because I could never control when the bomb would explode

Oh god I love you
I mean forever
I left my body behind to break the news
Looks like its over
Please remember all the things I never got the chance to say
Like you look smashing in your fourth grade picture
The one that we hung by the door
In our house that was so beautiful
Yeah here in our little home

If this medication upsets your stomach
Take it with crackers, bread,
Or a small meal
We understand it won’t do shit towards a cure
But if you buy this I promise you’re going to like the way it makes you feel

Is it the red wire? Or the blue wire?
Just pick one and cut
It just doesn’t matter anymore
Or did it ever?
Cause I could never control when the bomb would explode

Oh god I love you
I mean forever
I left my body behind to break the news
Looks like its over
Please remember all the things I never got a chance to say
Like you look smashing in your fourth grade picture
The one that we hung by the door
In our house that was so beautiful
Yeah
In our little home
Our little home
Nobody knows
Our little home
Nobody knows what goes on
Our little home

.: Film Debut! :.

Sorry for the short notice but this will be entertaining ...

This is a short film that I'd assisted on. I ended up with a bit part in it with Brian Lang and stars the wicked Miss Kitty. To know how wicked, watch this then vote for it...Tonight at 6p. Free Food! The note is from the director:

Hey all,
I've heard from a lot of you already, but I just wanted to send out a reminder about the showing of Errands this wednesday evening. I also neglected to mention that although it starts at 6pm, there will be free food starting at 5:30. So come get some free food. Watch the films. Hate 18 to 21 year-olds? Then vote for my film and help me mercilessly crush them. Woot, etc.

Columbia College Take 1 Film Festival
Wed, Nov. 30th
5:30pm - food
6pm - start
1104 S. Wabash
8th floor cinema

Hope you all can come!

Dev

.: I loves me ma nerds :.

Yet again from tdj:




In The Garage - Weezer


I've got the Dungeon Master's Guide.
I've got a twelve sided die.
I've got Kid Pride.
And Nightcrawler too, waiting there for me, yes I do.
I do.

I've got posters on the wall.
My favorite rock group Kiss.
I got ace freely.
I've got Peter Chris, Waiting there for me, yes I do.
I do.

In the Garage, I feel safe.
No one cares about my ways.
In the Garage, where I belong.
No one hears me sing this song.
In the Garage.

I got electric guitar.
I play my stupid songs.
I write these stupid words.
And I love everyone waiting there for me, yes I do.
I do.

In the Garage, I feel safe.
No one cares about my ways.
In the Garage, where I belong,
No one hears me sing this song.
In the Garage.
In the Garage.
Arrah!

In the Garage, I feel safe.
No one cares about my ways.
In the Garage, where I belong,
No one hears me singing this song.
In the Garage.
In the Garage.

In the Garage, I feel safe.
No one laughs about my ways.
In the Garage, where I belong,
No one hears, No one hears me!
No one hears me, No one hears me!
No one hears me sing this song.

.: ack :.

I've been icky sicky ill the last few days. A good sleep tonight and I should be finishing up this virus before I get my flu shot next week. Either way, I'm back to running first thing in the morning.

I've been doing loads better on the mental health side as well. I must remember, "Without darkness, there is no light." I was asked about when was the best time of my life. I had to say my time in Champaign. This was when I discovered theatre - writing, improv, and directing. I rediscovered new ways to support Asian American culture. (Interesting point: Recently, got an email from an AA theatre friend from that time.) I became a singer and a writer of songs. Got published. Got recordered. started that damn swing dancing after YEARS of never considering myself a dancer. Most of this happened after the first time I'd dealt with my depression.

Let's see if I hit a renaissance of sorts. I wonder if I could be that productive again...

Finally tdj's commentary on the Kansas Board of Education and *their* take on science.

Dude. Sometimes I wish I was that smart and witty. Like ALL the time.

.: Dearest Mommy :.

I do believe that swingdoc is the dearest mommy I know...



Welcome to this wonderful world, Colin Patrick!

.: I done lernt good :.

As previously mentioned, I've been feeling quite the idiot as of late. (Especially as I've rewritten the previous sentence atleast six times.) But I'll soldier through this feeling to write this blog about the way that I learn.

For the past month, I've been taking dance classes at Big City Swing. Two hours every Wednesday night. The first hour concerns teaching a Swing I class or a Wedding Dance class or private. This class really stimulates me because it makes me use my assesment and problem-solving skills. At the same time, I have to learn some rote scripted stuff that I am able to improvise and use with my best style of communication - humor. I've spent alot of time during social dances lately just watching and observing how I might teach or re-teach certain dances moves. This might explain part of my lack of inspiration to accept offers to dance. Or perhaps I want to do more than just dance. Its kinda like my choosing to practice a more clinical, analytical style of massage as opposed to just settling for vanilla scented candled spa massage.

The second hour is a performance group class. This class kicks my butt physically and mentally. Wrapping my brain around what's to become muscle memory has been pretty satisfiying so far. Until tonight. What dance steps I thought I had down became crap. I was singled out on more than one occasion for a mistake or a reminder. I've been so very frustrated with not understanding things or feeling an imbecile lately yet I was more determined tonight to get the goddamn steps right. By the end of the session tonight, the group merited several compliments. However, before we all left the studio, J suggested we get together to work on it before next week. She told me, "You have it. You know it. Its linking everything together. The jazz steps are right. You aren't confident in the transitions."

This immediately reminded me of Trap's post on facts, knowledge, and wisdom.

The idea is that people excel differently in each of the three areas. For instance some people are great with minutia (facts), other people are good with classification (knowledge) and other people are all about relationships (wisdom). Knowing what type of person you are and working to build proficiency in the other areas can be helpful in increasing the scope of your intellectual abilities... at least that is my end game.

I'm very confident on facts. And its kinda creepy what kinda of trivial factual knowledge I have. Yet when it comes to linking these ideas into a larger more complex concept, I'm not very confident. This is why some people doubt me when I bring up a point in a discussion. I may know that there is a valid fact to be heard but I don't communicate that clearly. Other times I may self edit, out of self-doubt, what is still a valid point to be made in a discussion. I gotta stop doing that and just power through and KNOW that I am making a point that contributes to someone else learning something.

Interesting point should be made that I'm probably learning the same routine Trapper learned years ago...

.: bloggy blog blog blog :.

So I've been writing but not posting. Which is fine, I think. Certain ideas and opinions are best kept under wraps. I'll share some of the blogs in retro entries I think.

But these are a few blogs I've come across today. If I had my wits about me, I'd share more of my thoughts. Again, maybe at a later time...

Facts, Knowledge, Wisdom- I've been feeling pretty unintelligent as of late. Luckily, I get to hang out with people who graciously explain things to me a way that doesn't make me feel like a complete dolt. Sigh. I miss Trapper. His brain and his ass.

Harajuku Girls- Some interesting commentary from Magaret Cho on Gwen Stefani and her Harajuku Girls:

Now she has 4 things all together, the Harajuku Girls. I want to like them, and I want to think they are great, but I am not sure if I can. I mean, racial stereotypes are really cute sometimes, and I don't want to bum everyone out by pointing out the minstrel show. I think it is totally acceptable to enjoy the Harajuku girls, because there are not that many other Asian people out there in the media really, so we have to take whatever we can get. Amos 'n Andy had lots of fans, didn't they? At least it is a measure of visibility, which is much better than invisibility. I am so sick of not existing, that I would settle for following any white person around with an umbrella just so I could say I was there.

Please read the rest of her commentary. Perhaps this is why I have this love/nausea feeling about the Harajuku girls in pop culture. Reminds me. I received this lovely compliment: "You write more like Margret Cho than Amy Tan."