.:] hehe [:.

my new boss just asked if I ever considered becoming a waitress... hmmm... a waitress in the Walnut Room... naw.

ok I'm out of here. Read my avon walk blog I finally added to it. PS. drop me a contribution.

.:] Like temping but not...[:.

Like my times with Kelly Services... under the radar internet usage... getting paid waay too much for the little I do.... hours upon hours of booooredom... and yet another UCKLY ID photo.

The difference is I get to make smoothies and actually talk to the people that hang out at the juice bar. Other MF employees. Alot of visitors from out of town. Who am I kidding its ALOT like temping. It makes me want to get a real job and get a real paycheck so I can really shop here.

I'm really getting frustrated with not having a real paycheck. For someone who'd, a long time ago subscribed to living a starving artist's life, I'm having to deal with reality. Fucking reality. Why couldn't I have lived in the time of the Medici where you earned your lifestyle with your talent. Hell, I might have just ended up with a huge medieval debt that could only be paid off with my blood.

I'm coming to a happy medium I believe. Once I really graduate from massage school, it will be genuine. I love being able to barter my services, my talent. Wow. THAT is going to be my career. Ugh.. I'm getting the heebie jeebies again. I gotta get over this so I don't go back to temping again or worse.... food service.

.:] just words [:.

Listen. I'm tired of promises that get broken. I'm done with plans that get wrecked. Also done with hopes that turn into disappointment. I'm tired of lies and just words that mean just nothing. If you are going to do it, just do it. Its surprisingly simple.

.:] A potential problem [:.

So now I've another item to add to my Crunch resume. I'm now working at the Crunch Shop in Marshall Fields - a few shifts. I get to pick up my discount card tomorrow. Do you all see where this is going? Sure if you don't have money you can't spend it. But but but I *am* going to have money and this place is pretty awesome...

Any one want to meet me for tea? I'm hoping to get the discount on a cuppa Earl Grey and a scone.

.:] mmm.... playstation 2...[:.

From tjmweb:

PlayStation 2 Better Than Sex?
In case you doubted the power of the videogame...

ok. like I don't think I'm getting enough competition from other women... or gay men for that matter. And its bad enough I lose video games but to lose A GUY to video game system... *sigh*

.:] Addendum [:.

- He's got to have read "A Wrinkle In Time" and know why I make a huge deal about it.

actually now that I think about it.. I did know a fellow who read the book for the sole purpose of trying to get to know me better... I'm thinking I dodged a bullet there.

.:] Happy List [:.

real quick as I am borrowing access from nana and erwick...

Things That Are Making Me Grin

1. I just got a call from Rachakate on *her* birthday.

2. High Fidelity. NOT the movie but the BOOK, the AUDIO BOOK that I got from the liberry. I adore the John Cusack movie but the book is a zillion times more funny and horrifically insightful. Ditto that for another Nick Hornby book, How To Be Good.

3. Bill. Every time I see that overexposed Apprentice mug somewhere in the media, I become a bigger dork than I already am. You shoulda seen me in the Avon Walk office this past Friday when I'd discovered one of the ladies in the office is close friends with him.... *geek* (I think I've mentioned at one point or another that I can go from 0 to six crushes in a minute.)

4. Walking in warm weather and singing to the Sundays cassette I'd unearthed.

5. Getting shit done. I don't know what it is exactly but I'm getting loads more accomplished these last few days than I usually would at my Pops. That includes all the commuting.

6. Hanging with my sisters. For example, I'd spent the day Sunday enjoying weather with my mom, the sistas, and their repective boyfriends playing a wicked intense game of Pictionary. Then it was Kill Bill 2 which I gladly sprung for b/c each one of them has made life a little bit easier for me these last few weeks. Then CHINA BUFFET!

.:] paper journal [:.

so with my very limited time on the internet.. I'll say this.. its strange to know that I've all this junk on my journal that I would gladly share with ya all ifn I could but I can't so I'm not going to bother unless you ask to see it which is all good and you can even see the sketches I've been doing which I can never include on this blog anyways. Also, I love sunny spring, the fact that Hedds is in town, that I get to borrow my mom's wicked car tonight to go and get ma Fizz on. That and rent Kill Bill 2 or go to the matinee and do some jumpin'. Oh and come to me n MK's fundraiser on May 14th at Jefferson Tap (MORE DETAILS LATER!) and oh and gimme some money (to of course hand off to my AvonWalk)

.:] yawn [:.

...nothin' quite like riding the Red Line sober @ 4 am... Here I was thinking I'm completely useless at work at this hour of the morning.. wow.. was i wrong... then again it could be the Red Bull... which unfortunately reminds me of JagerBombs... ick.. and the internet.. godbless technology... now back to pretending I'm actually earning my paycheck...

.:] I {heart} Bill [:.

i don't generally follow the reality shows but in the last four weeks I've been ON TOP of The Apprentice. There is some surprisingly good dramam in there. And I've been behind Bill for the majority of the time. If only because he's Loyola Alum {Go Ramblers! wtf is a Rambler?} and a Chicago boy AND he so much reminds me of one my best boys. I am so thrilled that he finally won the show AND is in charge of the Chicago Trump Hotel project. I'm invested b/c its going to be a big part of the Chicago skyline and will be replacing the Sun-Times Building. Its difficult to believe that a looming modern peice of architecture will be standing behind the Wrigley Building.... I can't wait to see the designs...

.:] ack. [:.

I could give y'all an update on my situation but I posted up already.

Instead I'm just going to write about today. I miss being able to just blog a bit. I've been journaling quite a bit more, I should be sitting on my pile soon enough {I'd met another Anais Nin fan last night}.

My ego is a bit bruised but its for the best really. I've so much shit going on I can't be begging for more drama in my life. So instead I am here with my sister Hedds, watching the Cubs game, chillin', and waiting for Nana afore we go out to take in this lovely weather...

To compound ideas from Eternal Sunshine: what of the coincidences of people that reoccur in your life? A glitch in the Matrix? Fate trying to tell you something? Take for instance, Hedds and Matt. An interesting series of events including classmates.com, dreams, and the Cubs Playoffs. Or bloody Number Five {I'm due for another mysterious encryptic message} Or woodwork, for that matter. I think I'm just going to sit here with my eyes closed, my fingers in my ears, humming off key, ignoring the messages from the universe...

.:] Springtime in da 'hood [:.

More gang tags on the garages and sidewalks... The venders pushing their carts and honking their horns... the ice cream truck coming around blasting that horrific noise at 8:30PM... The neighbors blasting their music out the windows as they are washing their cars with buckets of water on the side of the street.... Larger groups of people out on the porch of the building I'd always suspected housed drug dealers.

And now I'm gone... out of the hood and into the burbs...

.:] Yellow Kick [:.

Getting down to the roots again.. and I'm getting so obssesed with that damned "Worn Down Song". Check out some more stuff from Rachael Yamagata.

So the plan is to cut out of town for a few days. But come back to a heavy weekend. Friday- 9th Annual Asian American Showcase. Who's coming with me and my classmate Kimmer? {not you dev, there are asians all over the place.} Hedds comes in that night too I think...

Saturday, work, I think. Then Floss! Hopefully with Mar and the Sisters. So I was thinking I was going to work in some Filipino dancing to impress Mar and probably one of my Titas that will be coming with her. SO I actually found some tinikling footage < warning there's a stupid ad before the dancing starts>. Anyone have any leads where I can find some more? But then there's a HUGE AA concert. I'm afraid I'm going to run into alot of old ghosts but the show will totally be worth it. Jenny Choi. Nuff' said.

If I recover, I'll go to the rest of the festival on Sunday. There's a even Greg Pak short involving Margaret Cho?... mebbe...

.:] Ok, Fizz-sters...[:.

Name the dorky brown dude in the photo below - from Metromix

.:]..Style...Style..[:.

This is the awesomest video EVAH.. the editing always blows me away.. and it comes from a surprisingly good movie...

.:] Congrats! [:.

Yay! to Sagar whose latest soundtrack's movie has continued to do really really well! He gets kudos in this article.

This interview also discusses how difficult it can be to cast for brown characters.. *Looking at you, Arif*

.:] Video Writer [:.

Listening to this song from Rachael Yamagata over and over again, reminded me of you, Sagar. Hanging out with you and Glenn, reminded me of your movies, Arif. Listening to you freak out, reminded to write while I'm still inspired, Dev. So driving home today, I saw/wrote this. Sorta.

.:] ...now I understand... [:.

why the morons are morons. Thanks tdj!

"This is only fair, since the pursuit of sex tends to make us all so very, very dumb."

However, for all the nookie they do end up getting... why is it they don't learn?

.:] Off the Charts [:.

He was one of my best friends ever. He had the awesomest phoenix tattoo with his Chinese names inscribed. He would pick me up from work on his motorcycle. We would spend hours upon hours watching anime and sci-fi flicks. We'd smoke up and watch Ninja Scroll. He'd cook me all kinds of Chinese cuisine and pointed out that stabbing your chopsticks into a bowl of food was a no-no.

I would sleep over all the time in his bad he'd made to look like a screened Japanese tea room. Yet as my friend/bartender, Sooch, would say, "no huggin', no smoochin'?" None. Pure unadulterated spooning. Then he would wake me up with the gentle soundtracks from Ghost in the Shell or even Macross Plus.

KANNO Yoko/Sharon Apple - Voices (Myung's Song)

hitotsu me no kotoba wa yume
The first word was "dream"
nemuri no naka kara
From the middle of my sleep
mune no oku no kurayami wo
Which secretly accompanies
sotto tsuredasu no
the darkness in my heart
futatsu me no kotoba wa kaze

The second word was "wind"
yukute wo oshiete
Directing my journey
kamisama no ude no nake he
From God's arms,
tsubasa wo aoru no
Fanning wings

tokete itta kanashii koto wo
As if counting
kazoeru you ni
the melting sorrows,
kin'iro no ringo ga
Yet another golden
mata hitotsu ochiru
apple fell

mita koto mo nai fuukei
Not even looking at the scenery,
soko ga kaeru basho
There is the place you're going
tatta hitotsu no inochi ni
With merely a single life,
tadoritsuku basho
You struggle to reach that place

furui mahou no hon
An old magic book;
tsuki no shizuku your no tobari
moondrops; the curtain of night --
itsuka kaeru yokan dake
Only a premonition of meeting someday

we can fly
we have wings
we can touch floating dreams
call me from so far
through the wind
in the light

mittsu me no kotoba wa hum . . .
The third word was "hum" . . .
mimi wo sumashitara
Caught by straining ears
anata no furueru ude wo
As I softly release
sotto tokihanatsu
your trembling arms

He was the director of an acting troupe where I was an actress and writer of scenes. All was well until people kept asking me what was going on. Then, when I asked him for what everyone else had assumed, I had asked for too much. That and some brotherhood dealy with his best friend who was my Number Seven, a few years earlier. But we'd stayed great friends throughout. Though I clearly remember bawling my eyes out over him and the dates he'd gone onto have - with some of MY close friends. Eh, he introduced me to Dune and gave me dear dear Dulce...I still consider him a great friend.

.:] Three Is A Magic Number [:.

He shouldn't even be counted. I don't even really want to think about him. But there he was on the television - a quasi-public access show.

We were good friends. Worked together on several different projects in college. Then, I broke up with my first love and he created a mixed tape for me that for some reason had this heart-wrenching song.

Janet Jackson - Again

I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind

How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again

A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did

I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
never fall again

Making love to you
Oh it felt so good and
Oh so right

So here we are alone again'
Didn't think it'd come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss

I've come too close to happiness
To have it swept away
Don't think I can take the pain
No never fall again

Kinda late in the game and my heart is in
Your hands
Don't you stand there and then
Tell me you love
Me then leave again
Cause I'm falling in love with
You again

Hold me
Hold me
Don't ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do
Love you
Again

I was so vulnerable. He took advantage of it. What's worse wasn't the injustice I'd felt he'd done but that I tried to right all lies and betrayals. And there he is grinning on TV. There was no real justice then like there is none now.

.:] With Gusto [:.

My favorite-est with gusto yet:

.:] Casshern [:.

Ok I got the lead on this movie from tdj ages ago. but I was having problems with my computer at the time so.. nothin'

Then Filmtease does a review on it so I FINALLY get to see it, with the commentary from the boys reeling off in my head.

I have a little trailer review of my own. Dude, the age of the live action anime/manga is upon us!!! I'm almost afraid of watching the actual movie because I will most definitely be making Goofy/orgasm noises as I'm taking in the eye candy. Its so classic! Right down to the single sword stroke down the middle of the evil giant robot. I swear, there's a beautiful shot that is just a live action shot from Battle Angel.

I think I've been a bit jaded with the pyrotechnics of movies as of late. Mebbe because I've come to appreciate the stripped down simple stuff. Geez to even say the movies I've like are basic makes it sound as though they are lame in comparison. I usually chose the quiet drama of stage bare Our Town over wild and wacky Broadway productions. Yeah, I think I might have to give the heads up to the guys at Brainstorm to be sure they try to get this...and so I can watch it in the privacy of my own home.

.:] Number One [:.

He was adorable. Really very cute. I couldn't even tell you how it all started. Something about the very first Sweetest Day and hugs.

It started unraveling when our relationship was distracting him from his pre-med program. I was going to distract the man from becoming a doctor. So his parents grounded him. All the way from Kentucky. He had to give his Matthew Sweet tickets to another guy I ended up having a crush on.

Everytime a relationship unravels Matthew Sweet is there with the Break Up triumvirate to set me in tears: Looking at the Sun, Thought I Knew You, You Don't Know Me