.: Chimping Around :.

Ain't my sis a great photographer?

.: Worries :.

This an old strip from Sinfest:

Its like I'd said. I worry. Alot more than usual. Thinking of the future is new to me. I talked about it kinda with M tonight. I guess I never seem to be the one to discuss it ever. Talking to my friends from my past, it certainly the way I was perceived. And I guess it was true. I never really saw the big picture...

So in the last few days, I've been kinda down with worry. More so. What do people think of me? Will I let people down? Will they hate me/not love me anymore/lose respect for me? Will I ever truly be happy?

Cleaning through my PC, this strip is what I found. So many times I'd wished I was dead. And too many times had I worried about petty petty things. And now I appreciate that I have the chance not only to worry but to make the most of my life, my friends, my family, my love. So many times I was in horrible horrible times...

FUCK that. Imma make the world REMEMBER my ass!

.: insomnia :.

seriously.

I totally lied to Michael when he woke up and asked what I was doing.

Just can't sleep, I said.

He asked, Is everything alright?

Yeah.

No not really. I'm worrying about things I never was concerned with before. Medical appointments. Debt schedules. 401k. Benefits. Renters insurance. My car. My relationships with friends and family. Finding a new job? My future. My future with Michael? Moving? Vacation time. Traveling. Budgeting for travel. Gifts and random expenses. Returns. Groceries. Rent. Utilities. Internets. Library fines. Fizz budget, expenses, schedules. etc. etc.

meh. I guess I'm worrying about more grown up stuff and not where I am going to party next. No I worry about that too ;)

.: photography :.

i know that my pictures are lame by alot of my friends standards... Well, I got this link in the mail yesterday via a IKEA newsletter : http://www.myamericaathome.com/

I think this photography project will help me. I just really want to document my life a little better and perhaps appreciate my home more?

.: i have no words :.

Today I'd specifically promised myself not to watch TV or read the news... I've wasted days and days in the sadness of years ago... but then I'd read Mugsy's blog today and this excerpt from it:

Ogden on Yehoodi posted this on 9/11/2001, and I think he hit the nail on the head:

EVERYONE: Remember where you are today, remember your feelings as you hear the news roll in, fix it in you mind because there are not many time where you can say that you were there when the world changed. Today the world has changed, and its not pretty. We now know what Americans felt on that "Day that would live in infamy." Remember this so that you can convey it to your children and your grandchildren. And I am not being overly dramatic. The United States has been proven vulnerable today, the last time that happened we spent the next 5 years embroiled in a world war that changed the face of the world forever. When the human toll comes in the American public will give the government Carte Blanc to resolve and rettaliate as they see fit.

Make no mistake, the world tomorrow will be a different place than the world today. What will come of this? Who can say? But whatever the results, good or bad, remember it, freeze it in your mind, so you can say you were there the day the world changed, and you can remember the way it was.

...and sure I'm crying but its good...its good to remember...

.: Meaning :.

Just ran across this blurb on Alan Alda's new book, Things I Overheard While Talking To Myself. There is an excerpt if you scroll down a bit... I really enjoyed his first book, Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is hi-larious and pretty insightful. As in this first chapter of his new book on this NPR report.

.: Day Off :.

Its been a long while since I've had I day to myself. On my days off from the market, I've been working marketing jobbers.

Finally, got some errands done: laundry, reorganizing my room, doing my receipts, catching up on writing to friends and family. (Hi Andrew!) And now some writing, maybe I'll even get some artwork done. Soon, I'll be meeting up with Frances and then get my haircut with a hair modeling gig. I have no idea what the haircut is going to turn out. Trio Salon always gives me a cut I love...

Accomplishing stuff... makes me feel good!

.: Birthday Weekend One:.

Thank you guys for all the birthday wishes!!

I've had such a wonderful birthday (so far)...

It started out at California Clipper with Michael to catch Fulton County Line, an awesome band if you can catch them! They're a witty group that plays awesome "County and Western" - ized rock/pop songs alond with the country classics. Aimee and Lucky joined us soon after along with Olivier. Got some great dances! Frances and Ed came along too! Frances then went to chat with the band.

Turns out she asked the band to play my favorite song they play...Modern English's "Melt with You" and directly afterwords "Happy Birthday"!!

Finally, Jer, Erin, and Aaron gave me a few more dances...

Sunday, tho I had to work, it was incredibly slow until the very end when we got SLAMMED. So I went home pretty tired. Michael and I went to Smokin' Woody's and ate ALOT of meat. yum.

Monday, I ended up trying to replace my phone as I had lost it somewhere b/t my place and the restaurant. Boo. But the party at Fizz was WAAY fuun.. Esp. when Anne was laughing HYSTERICALLY playing with SpongeBob Squarepants cake. And BOMB Birthday Jam with John and Kristine too!

Any ideas what I should do for Birthday Weekend Two? Karaoke, perhaps?

.: Eve of My Birth :.

Yeah, so I'm writing from work but in my small interactions during the last couple of days...I"m just so happy to be alive and with friends and family...

I'll be at the California Clipper tonight if'n anyone wants to celebrate!

OH! And at Fizz on Monday! Its a DoubleMintz Birthday Jam for me and Anne's twin birthday...I'm bringing the cake!