.: New Hair Color :.

For the last twelve years or so, I've always had a broad streak of color in my hair. It first started as something "crazy" I let my stylist in Champaign do. It was around the time I was a lead singer for a band. Just a big chunk of blond. Totally made feel like a star. Though I do remember at the time I was still involved in Asian American politics. One of the students called me a "sell-out" for buying into the ...you know I don't know what he was talking about because other people were saying that I was being "Korean"... Honestly, being "Asian"...

Since then I've had all shades of red, even sporting the transition from yellow to orange to red. Flames! I've done blond and black. Stark white. Purple, green, and copper - my favorite! I was a peacock! Now I'm a faded blue/purple that's turning a bright shade of green...

But I noticed tonight, right at my hairline, right in the middle... a single white hair. I honestly don't know what my natural hair color looks like now but I do know that white is going to be a part of it.

I'd always thought it amusing (and kind of sad) how folks get bent out of shape over some gray hairs. They spending time stressing over it probably creating more white hairs in the process. I know folks that spend a big chunk of their paycheck keeping their hair looking young. But I can't complain. I've seriously lucked out with my youthful looking genes in this society that compels folks to stay looking as young as possible for as long as possible.

However, I'm looking forward to graying like my parents. While the compliments on how young I look will not go unappreciated, I kinda wonder what it would be like to "look" my age. Would it afford me a certain amount of respect? Will it make me "grow up" from the outside in?

Then again I have to wonder if naturally white hair takes on Pillarbox Red very well?

.: Really?!? :.

Oh Blago, your tragedy leads to much comedy. Amy Poehler and Seth Meyer are a couple of the best things to happen on SNL.

.: Santa's Gmail :.

.: Fellow Tigger :.

See what happens when you open up your home to a random dancer going across the country via AMTRAK? You get to meet super imaginative and creative people that put a ray of sunshine in your world...

Jas, originally from Canada, traveled across the US before settling in SD. We had a great time while she was here. A habitual Eeyore she inspires me indefinitely with her pictures and her words... made my day.

sfgirlbybay: Unexpected Guests: Jasmine Fitzwilliam.

.: Hounds Of Love :.

How did I miss this? Its ages old and I'm falling in love with these guys...

.: Hangin' In There :.

Well, I'm still here.

The past weekend was a complete waste. I was a mess.

Then I went to a dance on Sunday, heard some great music, had some great dances, and finished the evening with a game plan for the rest of the week.

I've been through this before. Its practically old hat. Its just a little more stressfull this time around...

Solid As A Rock - Ella Fitzgerald

They can't keep a gooda man down
Always keep a smile when they want me to frowns
Keep the vibes and they stood my grounds
They will never ever take my crown
Who Jah bless I say no man curse
Things gettin better when they thought it would be worse
Here comes the officers askin for a search, they found no weapon just only a draw first

Cause I'm so solid as a rock they just can't stop me now
Even when they set there traps they just can't stop me now
People will say this and that they just can't stop me now
Even when they set up road blocks they just can't stop me now

When they come with there evilest thoughts i just listen whenever they talk
Jah is the light into my dark, he cut and tear my path
They fight without a cause tryin to make my life so hard
The king of kings and the lord of lords, give it all rewards

I'm so solid as a rock they just can't stop me now
Even when they set there traps they just can't stop me now
People will say this and that they just can't stop me now
Even when they set up road blocks they just can't stop me now

So don't you mix me up with your dirty games, your only tryin to tarnish my name
Your only lookin for the innocent to blame,
when your the ones who issue the guns down the lane
You only cause dysfunction anda frame, but the right ones believe in the reignLove is all i got I give and I'm not ashamed, lookin towards the future this lion can't tame

So they can't keep a gooda man down
Always keep a smile when they want me to frowns
Keep the vibes and they stood my grounds
They will never ever take my crown
Who Jah bless I say no man curse
Things gettin beter when they thought it would be worse
Here comes the officers askin for a search, they found no weapon just a only draw first

so solid as a rock they just can't stop me now
Even when they set there traps they just can't stop me now
People will say this and that they just can't stop me now
Even when they set up road blocks they just can't stop me now

.: Devastating :.

These past few weeks, particularly after Afable's funeral, have been challenging. Today, I got hit with the inevitable. My latest job let me go along with a bunch of other employees. "...economy with the way it is..." What irony that I felt blessed to have a job today. This after watching news clips and news clips about the unemployment numbers. Yet into work as I also do, bright and cheery and ready to go.

Then I got called into a room with six other people and that was that.

I'm not going to lie. I'm freaking the hell out. And my sister has told me not to dwell on it and to move forward. Its what you do in these situations that defines you. I can't say I'm a good person to try to apply that to. How am I defined if I just want to throw in the towel.... and I know that things are going to get worse before they get better...

Ah, if I could only drown my sorrows in a pint of beer or seven...

.: A Book In Hand :.

Funny that my sisters and I were talking about children's books earlier... My first book was "Splash, Splash, Splash"...and I remember losing hours reading a big illustrated book of Greek myths... AND I remember bringing these books to read at parties when I was young.

Choose Your Own Adventure Books!

The Top 20 Classic Choose Your Own Adventure Stories. Hilarious.

Books were more fun than people then. Its still mostly true...

.: I'm Not So Quiet :.

So was just sent this video because it reminds this guy of me. Is it possibly because the video is so AWESOME? Featuring the lovely Bjork and directed by utmost favorite music video director Spike Jones... yeah I don't know what he's talking about either...

.: Missed Connection :.

On the Brown Line heading north. I got on at Armitage and you were sitting by the doors when I got on.

Me: Big poofy winter jacket and a plain old black hat. And glasses.
You: Wool (?) trenchcoat and a stripy sweater and a long knitted scarf. Kinda Doctor Who-ish.

I stood by the doors when I got on. You must have seen me on the verge of tears. I tried to keep staring out the door windows. But I noticed you across the way. You were reading my Angry Little Asian Girl bag and you smiled. It made me smile too, a little. I just wanted to thank you for the lovely smile. But maybe we'll meet again soon.

.: Simple Kind of Life :.

.: Fresh Blood :.

I learned a few things at Fizz yesterday.

One. Never never ever forget to tell EVERYONE about the Halloween Dance. Fizz itself is always decked out with spooky, horrifying, gory stuff. It was really good this year. They had a ghoul sitting at the bar. I thought it was just someone all dressed up. I turn to actually look at it and ugh...creepy. Not alot of ppl were dressed up. Unfortunate. Again my fault. I couldn't find any of my wigs or anything to wear. Just picked up a witch's hat while I picked up the candy.

Two. I really really heart newbies. Just watching these new kids kinda terrified when they watch my own personal favorite dancers bust it out. *grin* I know all of them are intimidated but one of them is going to be so inspired...they are going to be awesome. What's more, and this maybe helpful or a hindrance, we (mostly me) are screaming with delight watching along too. Though its mostly for our inside joke entertainment, I hope that these new kids find it very entertaining too.

A - thareee. It has got to be fun to watch me dance. I must look like a complete dork goofing off more than "dancing" but its such a great distraction. Lately, I've been so strangely self-conscious about my dancing. It was kinda debilitating. I wouldn't take risks. I hated missing leads and making mistakes. In front of people. I hated hated hated not being one of the best in the room. I hated that there is so much I don't know. Hated that what I did know wasn't all that great. I was sucking.

Ok now here's the little circle... On Halloween I don't have to be myself and/or everyone else is in a crazy mood... The newbies are so entertained by whatever jackass dancing we do because we're insane... I get to dance (and like it) b/c I know I'm just adding to the fun in the room...

Lesson learned: you'll be happy making others happy and they make you happy and so on.

PS I just got the BIGGEST ego boost that night too... it made me feel special and remembered...

.: Sorry, guys :.

I'm in Chicago and Imma going to vote tomorrow AND often!!

UPDATE: It only took an hour to wait to vote. They would only let me vote once. Bummer.

.: What's Wrong With Being Muslim? :.

Its been hard to listen to sound bites from the Republican campaign about Muslims. My best friend is Muslim. The day he heard terrorists were involved on 9/11, he immediately shaved his beard. I lived with a Muslim family for almost a year. I am forever grateful of their kindness and patience with me. I didn't know what to say to explain (or defend) the Muslim culture in America to all the ignorant ignorant people. I could not believe what I was hearing...

Then I saw Colin Powell during his interview on Meet The Press...



He said what I was feeling. Using words I wish I could have said in those frustrating debates with people insisting that Obama is Muslim. What had moved me the most was Powell's description of a picture of a fallen American solider who was Muslim.



picture>thousandwords

.: I Hear Ya Brutha :.

I've been meaning to post this especially since my friend is trying to get me into performing again... Doing the female version of this is no challenge :)

.: A 25 List Update 2008:.

I accomplished quite a bit since my most recent 25 List post. All in such a short period of time..


Watch a Sing-a Long Movie: Totally. Me and my sister went and saw The Little Mermaid at the Music Box. They had a treat bag. It was filled with toys and noise makers to use during the movie. Kinda like the audience participation with a viewing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show but G-Rated and no transvestites!It was a wonderful bit of my birthday week...

Own A Convertible: Kinda did that this summer. I was part of a promo gig where I got to drive a convertible all over the City and Suburbs. In all actuality, I'm bumping it off the list. I realized it was going to be very very impractical in the winter months ;)

Write a Love Letter: This actually should have been ticked off a long time ago. Apparently, I have written more than one... and they were all very well done :D

Run a 5K: Woot! And so on... I am so very proud of myself. I did so much better than I ever anticipated. And you can read more about it here.

Now the Updated List

25 Things to Do Before I Die - in no particular order

1. Japan
2. Learn Guitar
3. Master Escrima
4. Go Canoeing with Rusty
5. Do a one-woman show
6. Be a mother
7. Direct a play in the Virginia
8. Swim in the Atlantic Ocean
9. France
10. Pay off debt
11. Do an art show or art fair
12. Be a wife
13. Live in California
14. Visit New York City (for real)
15. Graduate with my bachelors
16. Own a puppy.
17. Live in an apartment by a river
21. Publish poems
18. Visit London (For Real)
19. Take a train cross-country
20. Learn to juggle
22. Watch a Prince concert (from the good seats)
23. Volunteer in an After School program
24. Keep an herb garden
25. Meet Tina Fey

.: And I Get Paid For This? :.

Two things:

Fizz: I never really considered it my job. I have incredible fun putting up events with essentially money that is not my own. But then there is actual work involved. This is primarily when I have to put out someone's party. "No aerials on the social dance floor", "You have to play SWING music", "Listen, bitch, if you didn't pay at the door, you are not dancing on this floor. And I don't care that you are the bartenders wife!" and finally, ugh, telling someone that aren't going to be part of the Fizz party anymore. Well, in a different capacity. That is the worst part of my job, taking on the responsibility of being the party pooper.

New/Old Job: I really can't believe that I got my old job back! And I was getting so worried with the economy and my benefits and my 401K and a steady paycheck, etc.. And when I started up again, I got hugs from all my old co-workers with lovely compliments about missing me... And I get to be in a market again surrounded with foods, cheeses, and wine! And I get to help people to plan out their own little parties ;) I have yet to feel what will be the worst part of this job.. but I'm not going to be waiting for it...

.: Ugh..what a shit week :.

It started off fine enough. A visit with Mar and friends with some great Korean BBQ and yummy Lutz cake! Excellent conversation about the Palin/Couric interview... Gonna watch the VP debate in a tic..

Find out on Monday that my latest promo gigs will be scaled back. So a little less income there. Then I hear about the market crashing. My sister later tells me the real deal. That's when I get real worried... and part of it is about Fizz...

Yesterday, the Cubs lost. In FANTASTIC fashion... poor sis she's the one with the shit week.

Hopefully this weekend will be awesome... WCLX10! Get to see ppl that aren't out very often or just plain moved away... notes about that later ;)

.: Le Vie En Rose :.

Finally got to catch this wonderful wonderful movie. Marion Cotillard was magical. Certainly worth the Academy Award. And the life of Edith Piaf... What a true artist...Life with no regets.




Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien - Edith Piaf (English translation)

No! Absolutely nothing
No! I regret nothing
Neither the good done to me nor the bad
All this is much the same to me!

No! Absolutely nothing
No! I regret nothing
It is paid, swept away, forgotten
I don't give a damn about the past!

With my souvenirs
I lit a fire
My sorrows, my pleasures
I have no more need of them!

Swept away the love affairs
With their tremors
Swept away forever
I start from scratch

No! Absolutely nothing
No! I regret nothing
Neither the good done to me nor the bad
All this is much the same to me!

No! Absolutely nothing
No! I regret nothing
Because my life, because my joys
Today that begins with you!

.: No Omaha and J & K + 8 :.

Imma moron and got things mucked up with the travel plans. Ah well, got a few more hours in for work.

Not alot done this past week. Ok, really delved into Jon and Kate Plus Eight lately. I'd heard so much good stuff about it so I finally caught an episode. I got hooked. Its an interesting view into a even more complex way of raising children not counting the fact its a group of multiples. That and the little girls look like me and my sisters at age 3 or 4.

.: Oh Omaha! :.

In a few hours, I'll be on my way to Omaha. I need a vacation from not-a-real job. Honestly.

So I'll be visiting b.lang in NE. Its been a couple of years and I'd missed his wedding. So, though its a dance weekend. I'm not all that excited to dance. I'll do the Jack and Jill... Well, cause I always do ;) but I'm looking forward to hanging out with the Jamborama crowd more than dance.

I almost would prefer to hide myself in the hotel and just visit Omaha. Seriously, I'll bring the cocoon with me...

Its a good thing I've gotten over this horrendous cough and wisdom tooth aching...

.: Why Are They Called Wisdom Teeth? :.

Well, I got one plucked out today! It was wonderfully faster than expected. The shots took more time than the actual extraction. Apparently, I have the rest incredibly impacted. Loading up on the Vicodin.

Heading out of town for a promo. In a smaller of the cars...Should be fuuun... I hope I'm not completely worthless. Still have to study my numbers ...argh.

And in remembrance...

.: Birthday Week 2008 :.

I can't keep up anymore. 35 is making me slower. And more meditative.

Saturday - KARAOKE! I think that says enough. No wait. Did me some Deth Metal Disney.

Sunday - Fam time. Alot of food. Getting plants for my sister's garden, I run into my old bartender. He's happier so that's good to hear and hopefully he'll visit me at Fizz again.

Monday - Day before actually birthday. Worked for 10 hours at my new jobber. Temp promo work but pays very well. Then to Fizz! It was way fun but not as fun as its been with Anne-girl in town. Had a drink with my bartender. I'm really going to miss him.

Tuesday - Actual birthday. Didn't do a damn thing. Called up some folks that wished me happy birthday. It was nice just catching up. Tried to keep up with the well-wishes from ppl on facebook...

Wednesday - More promo work and more doing nothing. It was raining. I wanted to hole up at home instead of going out to Green Dolphin Street.

Thursday - All me day! Went to see Lookingglass Alice again. Whee! Love It! Then I treated myself to Grand Lux Cafe. Unfortunately all in the rain. But I did happen to have another umbrella in my bag. Accidentally brought one and I saw this woman walking up the street from me, soaked. So I walked up to her and gave her my extra umbrella. yes, me day.

Friday - mostly home things. Mostly in front of the TV working on the art project for Drew's. Felt good doing some art. Then another promo gig where I totally got lost. But I got lost while driving a convertible roadster so that was fuuun.

Saturday - Lechon at sister's new place. I love the new kitchen so it was nice to help out with some cooking before the party. Nice spending more time with extended family and catching up with old friends. I unfortunately had to leave early b/c of another promo gig...

Not a incredibly festive week but it was nice spending it primarily alone. Someone pointed out to me that I'm very solitary on the major holidays... dunno why.

.: I Loves Me Some Princess Bride :.

.: Chicago Botanic Garden :.

The first day I had gone to the Chicago Botanic Garden, I was exhausted. I didn't sleep the night before. I'd had insomnia for a while... Cranky, Hungry, Sleepy and all the other elves...

But when I went through the main doors, it was like, heaven, or nirvana. I instantly up and awake. And there I was without a sketchbook. Luckily, one of the guys just let me use his sketchbook.

Then I was drawing alot. I'd walk along the paths with my friends but I would I sit down to sketch when I could. In the Japanese Garden, I spent the most time. Here's one of my better drawings:

.: I Wish I Was Cooler... :.

A strange few weeks... I've actually had the opportunity to chat with ex-boys and ex-things. We've both have changed alot. Though I can't remember how it all ended... looking back it really was for the best. That and not talking to them for about eight years after the fact... I truly loved them and still do. I'm happy for them and they are happy for me. Now we're cool... (shoulda stuck to my guns...)



And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

And we used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

.: The 2008 Olympics :.

Every four years or so I am camped out in front of the TV set. Not like I don't that already but this becomes a 24 hour event. What's worse is that there are so many mediums to watch EVERYTHING going on.

Every for years or so I'm like, meh, I can see the results online or on recaps. But then, the friggin Opening Ceremonies freakin' hook me in, dammit. I haven't even seen the entire thing, I just saw the march of the nations. Oh and lordy when I saw Yao Ming come into the stadium and then hearing the roar of the crowd, my heart was so inspired. And then I see this little little boy running to catch up with the giant Yao Ming as Ming carried the massive flag for China. This little little boy's named Lin Hao. Lin Hao not only survived the earthquake that shook rural China, he saved the lives of two of his classmates.

The lighting of the Olympic flame, watching Phelps win all eight of his gold medals, spending all this time rooting for all kinda athletes, American or not... all these things will never compare to seeing a tall proud man holding up a young hero in the red glow of fireworks...

My 5K Playlist

Originally posted on my FB Notes and I couldn't get my pics off of there...Finally decided that I'll post this here...

Ok. My first 5K. Normally, I would post my results, etc on my personal blog. But there were so many words of encouragement these last few days so I wanted to share.

First thing you should know. Music is the biggest motivator in my life. My personal blog is basically lyrics and youtube videos as the relate to my situation at the time. So while training, I didn't measure out distance or time. It was my series of playlists that were roughly 40 min. long each

Next, I had three other motivators for this race. 1) My first real serious, training, workout physical challenge I'd ever done, 2) On my Things To Do Before I Die List so wanted to knock it off the list, 3) It was a big middle finger to anyone that's put me down or made me sad esp. Who's-His-Butt (WHB).

Finally, I was really really happy to find out that we can run with mp3 players. I chose my "Move It II" playlist. Ready? Here we go...

"Do You Hear The People Sing" - Les Mis: Original London Cast

So perfect coming out of the gate... And then to see that line of runners ahead of me along the lake. So perfect. And inspirational..

"Dirty Little Secret" - The All-American Rejects

Honestly, love the song more for its video. Look it up. The revving guitars and solid beat starts me into my run for my training. But I was paced fast at the beginning of this race. My sister was right. I was so jazzed up. And this song kinda helped... oh and the first middle finger...

"SexyBack" - Justin Timerlake

Dude. I loves me my Timberlake and then with Timbaland pipping in? Gets me going all the time. The Museum Campus was in sight. But by this time I'd figured out that I got to slow the hell down. So Timbaland set my pace..yeah!!!

"Let's Get Retarded" - Black Eyed Peas

This on everybody's workout playlist right? The bass drum starts me up again and the "runnin' runnin" part the pushes me along. However, its got this beat beat beat good way for me to get onto the slower pace I needed...

"I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" - My Chemical Romance

In training, the spite and hatred towards WHB would power me up with this song. Today, it was the point that I realized..... I'm NOT Ok.....I might have to start walking.... but my sister told me never to stop moving AT ALL. It'll be hard to start up again.. heh then the song has this very entertaining break - "I'm okay.. I'm okay now ..And you really need to listen to me..'cause I'm telling you the truth..I'm okay (trust me)" I couldn't stop. It makes me laugh...

"Message of Love" - The Pretenders (Live)

Two things, 1) Chrissy refers to Chicago b/c that's where it was taped. There I was running along the lake and the skyline..pushing along..2) Its got one of my favorite O. Wilde quotes : "We all of us are in the gutters; Some of us are looking at the stars!" I loves me some Wilde too.

"Smile" - Lily Allen (Live)

Lily Allen in this plucky girl from England. Another good video. Look it up. This version is very bouncy. And I needed it. So I start hopping more than running... it was fun!.. oh and this is another up yours towards WHB.

"The Last Song" - Foo Fighters

Oh this one got me fired up.. and I thought what a fitting way to finish up the race as I saw the event tents coming up in sight...But there is this loop that takes us WAAY past the starting point.. But a good steady beat.. I stick to it...

"Its Tearing Up My Heart" - The Backstreet Boys

I don't know. It found its way onto the playlist. I kept it. But it was a sign that my playlist was near the end. I just passed the last part of the loop and still couldn't see the finish line...

"Freedom 90" - George Michael

Dude. Dear Lord, I was soooo hurting. I was getting into the meat of the song where George Michael is bitching about his blessed life.. Completely forgetting that there is great part where he breaks into this whole, gospel, crazy-inspiring chorus. Then I hear Jim off to the side cheering me on.. I can see the finish line.. so what does Tessa do? Not cause she needs the time or anything.. Tessa SPRINTS it in... If I bother finishing anything, I finish HUGE.

35min something. Whatever I was happy I was under 40.. I just wanted to finish the race, I just wanted to tick it off my list, ...and then there's the big up yours to all those people I'd LET me feel bad. So, now I'm kinda a little more awesome than I already was..

.: Mercy Me :.

I'd, of course, fell in love with Duffy's video for "Mercy". When the Londoner was in town, we'd had gone all Westie style to "Mercy" in front of a jukebox. Then I started to look for Duffy's videos on youtube. This video is fantastic! Unfortunately, I can't embed in my blog...but the song is lovely none the less... You can replace "the tube" to "the El" and its very applicable..

Warwick Avenue - Duffy

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
Meet me by the entrance of the tube.
We can talk things over, a little time...
Promise me you won't step outta line.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
Please drop the past and be true.
Don't think we're okay, just because I'm here...
You hurt me bad, but I won't shed a tear.
I'm leaving you for the last time baby...

You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I've been confused outta’ my mind lately...
You think you're loving but I want to be free.
Baby you've hurt me.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
We'll spend an hour, but no more than two.
Our only chance to speak, once more...
I showed you the answers, now here's the door.

When I get to Warwick Avenue...
I'll tell you baby, that we're through.

I'm leaving you for the last time baby...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I've been confused outta’ my mind lately...
You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me.

All the days spent together, I wished for better,
But I didn't want the train to come.
Now it's departed,
I'm broken hearted, seems like we never started.
All the days spent together, when I wished for better,
And I didn't want the train to come

You think you're loving but you don't love me.
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me.
You don't love me,
I want to be free,
Baby you've hurt me.

.: Elvis Is Alive 5K :.

So I know that I get to knock off one more by running tomorrow but I's scurred. I just sign up online and now I'm super nervous. I don't know what to expect. I'm waiting to get a phone call back from friend/dancer. Hopefully, he'll be able to talk me down. Eep.

.: I {heart} Unicorns :.

You know throughout this blog, I keep referring to those extra special bfs/crushes as "unicorns"...

Ten reasons it would rule to date a unicorn.

.: Bad Ass Butterfly :.

So the plan is simply this. I'm going to climb into this cocoon. A nice, safe cocoon and hang out. I'll do my eskrima and keep on running. I'll write and tell stories. I'll get up and dance. I'll work at Fizz and keep talking to my bartender Peter.

For my birthday, I'll be a bad ass butterfly - all shiny and new.

.: You See In The Past, I Had A Dream, A Fantasy... :.

Let's end it on this
Give me one more kiss
Let's end it on this
Let's end it on this

You see it's hard to face
The addict that's inside of me
I want to fill my glass up
With you constantly
I've been here before
But I've never ever felt this sure
And now I know I've been dreaming
And your actions
Have inspired me, so..

.: Now I'm Five Times Two :.

Zero, one...
two...
three...
four days without you
eight...
nine...
now we're five times two
now we're five times two
now we're five times two
words won't do
words won't do it
(words)
can't stay true
words won't get me through it
get me through it

.: Just A Few Words:.

Eskrima. Awesome. Sweaty. So. Much. To. Learn.

Dark. Knight. 1:30AM. IMAX. So. Intense. Seriously. Cried.

Slept. Lost. The. Day.

Sing-a-Long. Tickets. Sweeeeeet.

Two. Massages. Back-to-back. Arms. Not. Burning. Love. Massage.

Le. Sigh.

.: In 21 Days :.

In about 3 weeks, I'll knocked out 2 of the 25 list. In three week's time, I'll be very very close to knocking out another two. In three weeks, I'll have a new DJ at Fizz. In about 3 weeks, I might end up the most physically fit I've ever been. Less than 21 days, I'll be a better person for me and no one else. And I'll deserve it.

.: Tae Bo Of My Very Own :.

Shadowboxer - Fiona Apple

Once my lover, now my friend.
What a cruel thing to pretend.
What a cunning way to condescend.
Once my lover, now my friend.

Oh, you creep up like the clouds.
And you set my soul to ease.
Then you let your love abound.
And you bring me to my knees.

Oh, it's evil,babe,the way you let your grace enrapture me.
When, well, you know, i'd be insane -
To ever let that dirty game recapture me.

You made me a shadowboxer, baby.
I wanna be ready for what you do.
I been swinging all around me.
'cause i don't know when you're gonna make your move.

Oh, your gaze is dangerous.
And you fill your space so sweet.
If i let you get too close,
You'll set your spell on me.

So, darlin', i just wanna say.
Just in case i don't come through.
I was on to every play.
I just wanted you.

But, oh, it's so evil, my love,
The way you've no reverence to my concern.
So, i'll be sure to stay wary of you, love,
To save the pain of once my flame and twice my burn.

You made me a shadowboxer, baby.
I wanna be ready for what you do.
I been swinging all around me.
'cause i don't know when you're gonna make your move.

.: Oh! Massage... :.

..how I missed you so!

Its like truly appreciating something after its gone. And then to realize that I still got it!

Rocked out a few massages the last two days. (My arms are burning.) And with but a few mistakes, I think I did very well. Atleast with two of my clients. The critical one was my sister who is the queen of getting massages. She gave me ALOT of advice.

I think with a bit more practice and a little bit of studying I'll be in the swing of things. A lot more with body dynamics and the arms burning thing will not happen again.

I don't think I've mentioned how sweeet my table itself is...its sweeet. It was so wrong for me to leave her in a corner...

.: Eskrima :.

Had a good talk with guro tonight. We talked more about the history of eskrima. Then he'd mentioned that in the higher levels of the art there are healers. Very interesting to me as a massage therapist. He then showed me certain folk dances that have the same attributes of the lesson he'd taught earlier. And when I mentioned Kuya, he got really excited! Apparently Kuya was one of his favorite students. I'm really looking forward to practicing more and more.

Also, I of course don't have sticks. When I got to the class I'd asked if I could borrow a pair. One of the guys tells me to grab a pair out of his bag. When I was going to give them back to him at the end of the lesson he'd told me to keep them. But he did make me promise that I would come back again.

I think I'm going to do really well with this group. I'm so going to rock this shit.

.: Best Dance Ever:.

.: I Think I Can, I Think I Can :.

Don't give up
'cause you have friends
Don't give up
You're not the only one
Don't give up
No reason to be ashamed
Don't give up
You still have us
Don't give up now
We're proud of who you are
Don't give up
You know it's never been easy
Don't give up
'cause i believe there's the a place
There's a place where we belong

.: Repeating Myself :.

Looks like I have to say it again.

.: Meant To Post These :.

Always loved Craig Thompson's work, especially Blankets! Here are some of the sketches for that novel.




from Sinfest:
I love the speed kitties!


Those and am in love with this guy. Alot.

.: Um..Call Me? :.

Remember that awkward scene in "Swingers" when the main character is leaving a series of embarrasing messages?

This is the reason I never give out my phone number in bars. Ever. I'll never make it on the dating scene.

Listen to it all the way through. Yes, it hurts but in the end it will be ok.

Blame swingchickie and her boyfriend for that matter...

.: The Doodlin' Song :.

I've had this song in my head. Its a version done by Blossom Dearie. Some of my dear Fizz DJs know she's my favorite so I like to think they are playing her just for me. (and I catch all the breaks like a mo fo..)

And there is this puppet theatre set up in front of the Art Institute. It reminds me of Punch and Judy. At any rate, I instantly fell in love. You put a little money in a slot and the puppets dance to the funniest songs. I took some pictures that I hope came out well. Still have to see...

Going through youtube and I found this...A video of some of my favorite things, Blossom Dearie's version to "The Doodlin'Song" and the funniest hand puppet show that happends to be in front of the AIC.



Obligato, pizzicato,
Try lambado, it's the craziest,
When you noodle, with the doodlin' song
2, 3, 4, like it so much I'll doodle some more

Say you love me, really love me,
Even softer, pianssimo
Say you love me, with the doodlin' song
B, C, D, Oh what you doodlin' do to me

Say you love me, really love me,
Say you love me true, I love you
Say you love me, please believe me
When you do, that makes two' dle

.: The Skeeziest Job Interview. Ever. :.

seriously. let's just say it didn't finish with a happy ending. imma go take a shower.

.: Its The Little Things :.

Since losing my job I've:

1) Decided that I'm going to have another go at earning money as a massage therapist. Its weird having to earn money over things I would gladly barter or do for free. I still have long, ridiculous, and expensive steps to take but I'll get there. Anyone need a massage? I'm still charging only 80 dollars and I bring my table to you. Or if you just want to just give me the money I will take that too.

2) Had a swing dance event. It tanked. I was worried and anxious about it all that night. Luckily I had such a great support of friends and dancers. It sucked but I realized that putting events up for the scene is totally worth it. It was an endeavor. It didn't work and I'll try again. btw I made all the money back the next grad night :) AND finally decided I deserve a percentage of the income. I looked at the numbers from last year and the year before. I've almost tripled the attendance of when I started "working" at Fizz.(UPDATE: I forgot to mention the folks that were there had alot of fun so it only really was a failure in numbers.)


3) Got another job. Not a "real" job but some income right? I went into my favorite cafe Drew's. I decided that I deserved a scoop of really good mango ice cream. Drew asked how I was doing and I told him about my job situation. He'd said he'll keep his ears open. Then he said that he might need me. He needed someone to go out and advertise the store. As he said: "A bullshitter and a flirt" And I told him I was his girl. So I've a few hours every weekend to chat people up about a place I chat up already. This time I get paid.

Its karma. I swear to God.

.: Typically Not A Good Day :.

Lost my job. Again.

BUT I took a good set of pictures.

and an old friend posted this on his FB:



Things will look up. As dear Oscar has said:

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-Lord Darlington, Act III; Lady Windermere's Fan

.: New, New, New 25 List :.

Grabbed out a copy of this of my little files to show the Londoner. I've some I had knocked off:

-Do a soup kitchen - I did more that just a soup kitchen! It had table service. And I was a waitress taking orders, chatting up guest, even babysitting. I can't wait to do this again! Anyone interested joining me, just contact me.

-Learn to Surf - Did that in 2006

I have a couple of things I think I can get off the list soon:

-Run a 5K. Going to do one with my sister in August. Just needed the motivation...I would love to do this one..

-Master Escrima. Lucked out. I have a class just down the street. The guro is a teacher that Kuya Noah suggested. And its coming back to me. I can rock it soon enough.

-Learn guitar - Dude. At this point I just want to learn that Juno song, Don't Speak, and something else I forget. Volcano Girls. Sagar says he's going to teach me some stuff all the way from California. Yay technology!

So that's what I see myself accomplishing....

Now the Updated List

25 Things to Do Before I Die - in no particular order

1. Japan
2. Learn Guitar
3. Master Escrima
4. Go Canoeing with Rusty
5. Do a one-woman show
6. Be a mother
7. Direct a play in the Virginia
8. Swim in the Atlantic Ocean
9. France
10. Watch a Sing-a-long movie
11. Own a Convertible
12. Be debt-free
13. Do an art show or art fair
14. Be a wife
15. Write a love letter
16. Live in California
17. Visit New York City (for real)
18. Graduate with my bachelors
19. Own a puppy.
20. Live in an apartment by a river
21. Run a 5K
22. Publish poems
23. Visit London (For Real)
24. Take a train cross-country
25.

ugh. At a loss for this last one. any suggestions?

.: I {heart} Chicago :.

I know its 2am but this cracks ma shite up...

"The Complaints Choir invites people to complain as much as they want and to sing their complaints out loud together with fellow complainers. The first choir was organised in Birmingham followed by the Complaints Choir of Helsinki and Hamburg. The lyrics were written by the Choir, Music by Jeremy Jacobson. Project by Tellervo Kalleinen and Oliver Kochta-Kalleinen. Produced by Smog Veil Records/Frank Mauceri."



"My dead grandmother always votes for the wrong candidate."

"I am too smart for the men I date"

"And I am still thinking about sex"

.: What Am I Doing??? :.

Closed out the late night.
I'm too old for this shit, right? Right?

and.. I split my pance. Classy.

.: The Sweetest Thing :.

My sister reminded me how some new music turns the day around. Playing around on youtube, I fell back on a new spin of a few favorite things: Gwen Stefani and No Doubt, a great U2 song, and Gavin Rossdale *squeee*. She's even got him doing a little white dude dance. Its going to be a fuckin awesome day... Mmmm.. yummy..



My love she throws me like a rubber ball
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
She wont catch me or break my fall
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Babys got blue skies up ahead
But in this Im a rain cloud
You know she likes a dry kind of love
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

.: Traveling Via Traveler :.

In the last few weeks, I've housed a couple of stray dancers. All pretty much by chance. One from a posting on Windyhop. Ask and ye shall receive. Then another dancer because I'm a nosy person. He was searching out a hotel room on the cutest laptop ever. But a hotel room?! That just goes against my belief that dancers should stick together and help out when they can.

So I'd had lovely people on my couch. My housing technique is down pat. I really should be a hostel. They've sheets and towels. An extra set of keys. A CTA pass. Maps. And perhaps the most important thing - the passcode to the wifi. AND someone who'll try to take them to any and all dance venues while they are in town.

This, of course, forces me to go out dancing more. AND I actually enjoyed it. Not that I can say that I love dancers. I'm too cranky for that. Talking about how either of us started and what keeps us dancing makes me happy to hear. Talking about ideas and dreams makes me happy. Talking about incredibly silly things late night at a diner makes me happy. Me happy = better dances.

Furthermore, my visitor from London conned me into taking some workshop classes. Very interesting, learned quite a bit. We shared a private lesson with the visiting instructor. Learned alot there as well. Got me excited about playing around with dancing. I've so much to learn. Just when I thought I couldn't get more awesomer.

Having these travelers with me has made me really examine my life. They've let go of what they've known, what they have, and are just floating on a whim. So I learned a few lessons there too. I've really lucked out with who I've opened my doors to. Heh. My sisters remind me of all the dancers I had forgotten I'd housed. That's quite a few. I'd make a list but I'm done for tonight.

A video from the Londoner:

.: Do Not Watch This ...:.

..unless you've an entire hour to dedicate to the entire video. I've mention this in a past blog entry and it very much affected my life then. However, I'd only seen a much abbreviated version of this presentation. Here it is the entirety. Thank you Dr. Kim for reminding me of this lecture....


[1:01:38]...President Cohen, when I told him I was going to do this talk, he said, please tell them about having fun, because that’s what I remember you for. And I said, I can do that, but it’s kind of like a fish talking about the importance of water. I mean I don’t know how to not have fun. I’m dying and I’m having fun. And I’m going to keep having fun every day I have left. Because there’s no other way to play it. So my next piece of advice is, you just have to decide if you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore. ... Never lose the childlike wonder. It’s just too important. It’s what drives us.

.: Post-Awesome Night @Fizz :.

Shite dude I am so very tired.

Things went more than swimmingly well last night. It did a triathlon and got in second place.

Live band. Losta people. Alot more than usual even.

Alas not alot of floor space. I really didn't feel like dancing much anyways since 1) it was crowded, 2) Wanted to dress up so slipped on the red shoes again, 3) Was wiped out after running around doing last minute things.

Overall very successful! I just don't know if I can organize something like this again... can I be burnt out already?

.: Train of Thought :.

So it started with a late night viewing of "24 Hour Party People"... (Finally!)... Its a movie about the Manchester music and dance culture. In high school, I was obsessed with Manchester bands: New Order, The Smiths, Inspiral Carpets, Joy Division, The Stone Roses, etc. But mostly New Order.. So knowing that here we go...

The movie had ended with New Order's "Regret":

...I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day that would be a start
I would not complain about my wounded heart

Just wait till tomorrow
I guess thats what they all say
Just before they fall apart.

Which made me look for the youtube video:

Which made me dig around and find this video:



Which was directed by my favorite modern artist, Robert Longo.

Which I can see how his "Men in Cities" series works into that video.

Then I think of my friend from high school. We both saw the Longo exhibit at the MCA. She was a year older and went to the east coast after she graduated. She came home to visit for while but during my last week of high school. She gave me the book to the "Men in Cites" series for graduation. She also brought along a friend originally from Manchester. He gave me his football jersey from his Manchester club. He also gave me a kiss since he couldn't stay long enough for my Prom. All the more to love Manchester right?

And so we have come full circle... *grin*

.: Epiphany :.

Do you realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round.

.: Jobber Music Mix :.

Lovin' the music at work lately. This song made me grin. Made me think of "120 Minute Nights" and dancing at Medusa's. Just like she does in this video:

.: Drew's Eatery :.

yummmmmy.

Drew's Eatery - not far for me to visit. Often.

and has lead to my very first Yelp review.

.: Which Way Were You Looking?:.

"Aimer, ce n'est pas se regarder l'un l'autre, c'est regarder ensemble dans la même direction." -Antoine de Saint Exupéry

.: Seeing Double :.

.: I Just Slid Off My Heels :.

Crikey. I don't know I tend to dance in high heels. The challenge? The masochism? Because perhaps the shoes are friggin HOT?

I'd meant to get home my like an hour ago. But again, masochism. That and hanging out with people. I love people. Except for the ones I hate. I HATE those people.

Its been nice to hear that people are really excited about dancing at Fizz on Mondays. Mondays. A school night! Its been consistently awesome. I love my staff. I love throwing a party EVERY week! I love that my bartenders are awesome and understanding :)

I've said it before... These nights have saved my life on more that one occasion. Today was a really really bad day. The usual stuff got to be a little overwhelming. Took a few breaths. Drank alot of water. Calmed the fuck down then and went to Fizz. Funny. When shit hits the fan there I'm all over it. I don't bitch about. Atleast not to everyone. The point here is that I can handle it. I don't start crying and ball myself up in a corner. This is something that I can handle because i love it. I just have to find that love in a career... with bennies.

.: Re-Set :.

So I had a nice little vacation, not a real one, but a good reset.

Now I'm up and running with more hours at the Cheese Bar (more stories there) and great NEW things going on with Fizz. Back to being a busy girl with alot less stress!

Ok, after an earlier interview for a new jobber, I gotsta take a nap before going to work. More later..

.: Quite The Weekend :.

Let's Go Crazy - Prince

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell u
There's something else
The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness
U can always see the sun, day or night

So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
U know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

'Cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
You're on your own

And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down
Go crazy - punch a higher floor

If u don't like the world you're living in
Take a look around u
At least u got friends

U see I called my old lady
4 a friendly word
She picked up the phone
Dropped it on the floor
(Sex, sex) is all I heard

Are we gonna let de-elevator
Bring us down
Oh, no Let's Go!

Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Let's look 4 the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck, let's go!

We're all excited
But we don't know why
Maybe it's cuz
We're all gonna die

And when we do (When we do)
What's it all 4 (What's it all 4)
U better live now
Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door

Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down
Oh, no let's go!

Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Look 4 the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck, let's go!

C'mon baby
Let's get nuts
Yeah
Crazy

Let's go crazy

Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down
Oh, no let's go!
Go crazy

I said let's go crazy (Go crazy)
Let's go, let's go
Go
Let's go

Dr. Everything'll be alright
Will make everything go wrong
Pills and thrills and dafodills will kill
Hang tough children

He's coming
He's coming
Coming

Take me away!

.: Kinda A Problem... But Not :.

Not An Addict - K's Choice

Breath it in and breath it out
and pass it on it's almost out
We're so creative and so much more
We're high above, but on the floor

It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it your on
the other side

The deeper you stick it in your vein
The deeper the thoughts there's no more pain
I'm in heaven, I'm a god
I'm everywhere, I feel so hot

It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it your on
the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

Oohoo (8x)

It's over now, I'm cold, alone
I'm just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me
Oh, nothing means a thing to me

Free me, leave me
Watch me as I'm going down
Free me, see me
Look at me I'm falling
And I'm falling.........

It is not a habit, it is cool
I feel alive I feel.......
It is not a habit, it is cool
I feel alive

I'm not an addict, I'm not an addict, I'm not an addict.

.: The Red Shoes:.

So the story of my red shoes are this... I was invited to compete in a blues dance competition. I traveled down to St. Louis especially for it. It had been ages since I bothered to dress up for a dance so it might as well be for a special out-of-town event, yes? Went digging around for new used stuff at Plato's Closet and found these not so hush puppies.

Went up for competition and the only outstanding thing that came of it were shouts about the sexy red shoes. Hehehe.. forgot to mention I broke them in the night of the competition... :) Unfortunately, few dances later, a couple seriously crashed in to me and my partner. Now there is a gouge of red out of the shoe. Sure, I mighta twisted an ankle or something... but the shoe!!

Update: I'd probably took them out for a walk once since then. Then with the news of the movie audition for swing dancers, I'd decided to dance in heels again. So I brought the girls out on the town to Fizz. There Keir took this lovely picture... Ain't she sweet?

.: The Mad Ones :.

from Jack Kerouac:

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...

.: Oh! Karaoke :.

I've heard this song several times on the loop at work... and each time I can see Hot Andy on his knees wailing this song while karaoke-ing at Holiday Club. I hearts guys that lip sync their lovin'. (I'm looking at you, Maverick from Top Gun... You've lost that loving feeling...)

Oh! Darling - The Beatles

Oh! Darling, please believe me
I'll never do you no harm
Believe me when I tell you
I'll never do you no harm

Oh! Darling, if you leave me
I'll never make it alone
Believe me when I thank you, ooo
Don't ever leave me alone

When you told me
You didn't need me anymore
Well you know I nearly broke down and cried
When you told me
You didn't need me anymore
Well you know I nearly broke down and died

Oh! Darling, if you leave me
I'll never make it alone
Believe me when I tell you
I'll never do you no harm
Believe me darling

When you told me
You didn't need me anymore
Well you know I nearly broke down and cried
When you told me
You didn't need me anymore
Well you know I nearly broke down and died

Oh! Darling, please believe me
I'll never let you down
Oh, believe me darling
Believe me when I tell you, ooo
I'll never do you no harm

.: Self - Portrait Feb. 08 :.

.: Total Eclipse of the Moon :.

Lunar Eclipse Noisy
Originally uploaded by swanksalot.

You know I'm not entirely true about the total, complete eclipse of the moon. But it was beautiful...

And this reminds me of my sister's Karaoke Birthday Partay. I did my first number one favourite karaoke song:

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, I fall apart

(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, I fall apart

And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time, I was falling in love
But now, I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time, there was light in my life
But now, there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

(Turn around, bright eyes)
(Turn around, bright eyes)

(Turn around)
Every now and then, I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I know you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I know there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
(Turn around)
Every now and then, I know there's nothing any better and there's nothing that I just wouldn't do
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then, I fall apart

And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time, I was falling in love
But now, I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time, there was light in my life
But now, there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart

(Turn around, bright eyes)
(Turn around, bright eyes)
(Turn around)

Jebus. Them's alot of lyrics... then the rest of the wedding party went to Hidden Cove...

.: Confidential to Roy Boy :.

.: The Way I Am :.

Yeah, I heard it on an Old Navy commercial and my sis heard it Grey's and now we are both hooked.

The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson

If you were falling, then I would catch you
You need a light, I'd find a match
'Cuz I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am

If you are chilly, here take my sweater
Your head is aching, I'll make it better
'Cuz I love the way you call me baby
And you take me the way I am

I'd buy you Rogaine, when you start losin' all your hair
Sew on patches to all you tear
'Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise
And you take me the way I am
You take me the way I am
You take me the way I am

.: Happy Happy Valentine's Day Suckas :.

Old valentine from Jason Sho Green. I miss them.

.: yummy :.

Stockings - Suzanna Vega

I don't care for tights, she says
and does not tell me why
She hikes her skirt above her knee
revealing one brown thigh

I see, I say, and wonder at
her slender little fingers
How cleverly they pull upon
the threads of recent slumbers

Do you know where friendship ends
and passion does begin?
It's between the binding of
her stockings and her skin.
(oh yeah)

She stayed up so late I thought
she'd ask me to go dance
But something in the way she laughed
told me I had no chance

The fiction in her family
was that she was never nice
I'd say she was very
I just did not see the price

Do you know where friendship ends
and passion does begin?
When the gin and tonic
makes the room begin to spin.
(oh yeah)

There may be attraction here
but it will never flower
So I'm assigned to read her mind, now
in this witching hour

Here's no game for those who claim
to be easily bruised
But how can I complain
when she's so easily amused?

Do you know where friendship ends
and passion does begin?
(When she does not show you
the way out on the way in) --
It's between the binding
of her stockings and her skin.
(oh yeah)

.: Self Portrait - Feb 08 :.

.: So Good To be Home :.

I've had this stuck in my head all week... esp. when I get out of the cold...

Wouldn't It Be Loverly - My Fair Lady

It's rather dull in town, I think I'll take me to Paree.
Mmmmmm.
The mistress wants to open up
The castle in Capri.
Me doctor recommends a quiet summer by the sea!
Mmmm, Mmmm, wouldn't it be loverly?

Eliza All I want is a room somewhere,
Far away from the cold night air.
With one enormous chair,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?

Lots of choc'lates for me to eat,
Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat.
Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?

Aow, so loverly sittin' abso-bloomin'-lutely still.
I would never budge 'till spring
Crept over me windowsill.
Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee,
Warm an' tender as 'e can be. 'ho takes good care of me,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?

Loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly

.: Things You Find Looking Down :.

.: Its Complicated :.

Complicated - Poi Dog Pondering

Wanna Get it right this time.
Complicated is all right
Complicated it's all right.
Sorrow is an angel that comes to you in blue light
and shows you what is wrong just to see if you'll set it right
and I've fucked up so many times in my life --
that I want to get it right this time.

Complicated, it's all right.
So tell me something someone and help me get it right,
or hit me over the head, box me up and say good night.
I can't stand to see myself go through the motions
that bring me back into these same old sad emotions.

Wanna get it right this time.

what to get free with it
(Tell me!)
what to get free with it
(Tell me!)
what to get free with it
(Tell me!)
what to get free with it
(Tell me!)

Sometimes I get so afraid of life
I'm not afraid of death
I'm scared of going through this thing twice
Wanna get it right this time
Complicated it's all right

.: The Short Side :.

.: Overdue Update:.

Well, shite, I'm long overdue for some sort of update.

- New Jobber! Still cheesemongering but with an even more impressive store! New cheeses I've never tried! Lots opportunity lies ahead. If I'm good...which I am.

- Saw "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!", my sister scored us some tickets. For those of you aware of my adoration of Geoffrey Baer of Chicago PBS, you will completely understand my geeking over Peter Segel. The Not My Job Guest: Brad Bird (The Incredibles, Ratatoullie)!!! Him and my favorite panelists! We had a blast...I have to go again. anyone with me?...

- Tonight, same sister scored seats to My Fair Lady. Nice lil production that they have there. Scenery and choreography impressed me. Then off to Kiki's Bistro. Yummy French Cuisine...

- Yesterday, sweet sweet haircut... they are calling me in for a coloring presentation later this month and if I'm good ... photo session. Pictures soon to follow...

- I am sad to report that Annimal has left the city... and I miss her..MR is still in the city... and I miss him... Pushing Daisies hasn't been on TV and I miss them... My little rays of sunshine...

now off to sleepies...

.: Photo By Keir Briscoe - Jan 08 :.

.: Freakin' Out A Bit :.

Still don't have a jobber...everywhere I turn I hear "recession". I've a perma-wrinkle in my forehead... I'm so worried that I'm not sure what to do. Even listening to the Juno soundtrack isn't a good distraction. Neither are the Law and Order re-runs in the background.

Some good news...Knight Rider... No Kidding... Let me introduce: the NEW KITT... The Hofff AND Will Arnett, too...a silver lining?

.: This is What Craiglist is Made For :.

Best Posting I've Seen in a LONG TIME - Warning:NSFW

.: What a Day :.

A day that has pretty much started and ended with dagnabit WarBook... Damn you Gayno!!! **shakesfist**

So hear we go, I'll try to explain more later:

-WarBook and coffee

-Start up the junk car and drive out to the burbs in the snow

-Late for shrink one

-Shrink two late for me

-Drive back into the city in even crappier snow

-Check my email as I sit in traffic, mostly to get WarBook updates. Damn near pee myself the messages were so funny...

-Pray I don't slide into cars as I try to hurry up and meet up with my sister.

-Meet up with pissed off sister. (and I, in no way, caused the pissofedness)

-FINALLY get to the Chase Auditorium to... **gethis* SEE WAIT, WAIT DON'T TELL ME!!!! FINALLY!! After all my years listening to NPR... I swear I will expound on this later!!!...

-Leave Chase Auditorium happy with a much happier sister.

-Hang out with happy sister, eat pizza, and talk about friendship and desperate friends...

-Drive down the street in even worse weather conditions in the junk car.

-Get home and pop in the Juno Soundtrack **squeeeeeeeE** I FINALLY got that too after many fruitless attempts....

-Settle in for a few rounds of WarBook... instead of writing a proper blog entry of my escapades.... and now the site is down.

I'm going to bed. What a day....

.: "Put Down The Pipe" :.

I was so friggin happy today... The counter guy at Hot Doug's told me to to put down the pipe. I hit him with my happy fireball. My happy fireball is like putting my usual tacklehug into a more compact and focused grinning happy dance. Its like a "HAakudon" from a few feet away. Trust me. The counter guy barely got away alive.

Bless 'em, Mandapance and her sister, my roommate, Margaret brought me to Hot Doug's. It occurred to me that without my experience at Sam's I would not really appreciate the delectable delights. So for my first venture into the experience that is Doug's included a Cognac and Cranberry Chicken Sausage topped with a blue cheese, a CORN DOG, and fries fried in duck fat. Oooo and Berghoff Root Beer! *orgasm* We probably waited in line for about a half hour but jebus was it worth all my excitement built up during the wait.

THEN, spent a few good hours on throwing around some wonderfully creative ideas. I have some ideas for t-shirts, a drawing technique I want to tighten up, and some PR ideas for Fizzle. Ooo.. a mask making party. Watch this space for further details! Oh, and I got stalked. Seriously. *creeped out*

THEN, met up with Anne to see Juno AGAIN (well, for me.) Dear Lord, its even funnier the next time around. And maybe even a little more heartbreaking. Dude. I am going to get all obsessive Harry Potter fan on that CD on Tuesday. Its got to be on my Top Five Soundtracks of All Time but that's a whole other blog entry. So, somebody hand me the guitar because, as God is my witness, I will learn this song on guitar AND remember all the words!

Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on your back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man
My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you

.: Mama Movies :.

Finally saw Knocked Up a few days ago... and JUST saw Juno.

Two of the best movies I've seen in a long long while are both about out of wedlock pregnancies. Go figure. Both hilarious. Both, so well written, directed and acted.

But Juno has the better soundtrack. I know its originally a Carpenters song but I prefer this version:

Superstar - Sonic Youth

long ago
and oh so far away
I fell in love with you
before the second show
your guitar
it sounds so sweet and clear
but you're not really there
it's just the radio

don't you remember you told me you love me baby
you said you'd be coming back this way again baby
baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

loneliness, is such a sad affair
and I can hardly wait
to be with you again
what to say
to make you come again
come back to me again
and play your sad guitar

don't you remember you told me you love me baby
you said you'd be coming back this way again baby
baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

don't you remember you told me you love me baby
you said you'd be coming back this way again baby
baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

.: And I Cook... :.

Dammit if it hasn't been a shitty shitty few weeks for me. I'll be honest. Its kinda difficult to be genuinely happy about someone else's good fortune when I've got my own shit going on.

Tonight, I cooked dinner for friends. I really put all my anger and frustration and disappointment and despair to the side. All my concentration was spent creating and preparing food. Cooking and cutting. Simmering and tasting. Baking and seasoning. I didn't have a chance to feel sorry for myself. I really wanted to try to at least make an enjoyable dinner though I wasn't feeling very social.

Lately I've been experiencing moments of anxiety with people. Reminds me of the time I refused to talk to someone and Dr Kim said: Who are you and what have you done with Tessa? I really haven't been myself. Even around good friends.

Maybe it was the few glasses of wine or maybe because I like to make others happy or maybe cause I like throwing parties. Eventually, I felt a lot better. I sat for a moment and watched my friends laughing, drinking and eating. My dear dear friends. They make me happy because I make them happy. Its a nice little circle.

That and I cook real good.

.: I've Never Been in Love, Much Less Find The One:.

From my place to go for any and all sex advice:

Q. I realize Savage Love is a sex-advice column (as evidenced by much vulgar language), but I'm going to ask anyway: (1) What is your definition of love? (2) How do you know if you're in "love"? (3) How do you know if they're the "one"? —Anonymous

A. (1) Love is making out with someone after you've blown a load on his/her face.

(2) You know you're in love when you're eating breakfast in a restaurant together the morning after he/she blew a load on your face and you suddenly realize that you didn't wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and you don't care.

(3) You know he/she is the one when he/she realizes that you've just realized that you're eating breakfast in a restaurant the morning after he/she blew a load on your face and you didn't wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and he/she smiles, leans over the table, and gives you a kiss.

.: NYE 2007 :.

I gotta be honest. I really wasn't looking forward to it. I haven't gone to parties in years. Generally I've never counted down at midnight. However, I was invited to spend the night with my sisters, their SOs and ROCKBAND.

Dude. The tail end of 2007 outright SUCKED. ugh.

It turned out just being a three man/chicks band with the horrendous snow. We played the parts of decedent rock stars (without the hard drugs and groupies). we didn't bother turning off the game to countdown the new year. Instead, we rocked in 2008....

Sabotage - The Beastie Boys

I Can't Stand It I Know You Planned It
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rocking When I'm In Here
Because Your Crystal Ball Ain't So Crystal Clear
So While You Sit Back and Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My, It's A Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's a Sabotage

So Listen Up 'Cause You Can't Say Nothin'
You'll Shut Me Dow With A Push Of Your Button?
But I'm Out And I'm Gone
I'll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On

'Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet So Don't You Get Souped Yet
You're Scheming On A Thing That's A Mirage
I'm Trying To Tell You Now It's Sabotage
Why; Our Backs Are Now Against The Wall
Listen All Of Y'all It's A Sabotage

I Can't Stand It, I Know You Planned It
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rockin' When I'm In This Place
Because I Feel Disgrace Because You're All In My Face
But Make No Mistakes And Switch Up My Channel
I'm Buddy Rich When I Fly Off The Handle
What Could It Be, It's A Miracle
You're Scheming On A Thing; That's Sabotage