ugh.. jet lag

seriously.. I'm sick of this.. I'm starting to feel like a vampire. I'm probably only saying that b/c i read almost every Spike/James Martsers site I could find last night. i don't have the luxury of doing that tonight. i have clinic at CSMT in a few hours. i refuse to let this jet lag/depression/tiredness mess up my schedule more than it already has. i've already spent some time doing the relaxation/energy exercises from class. and my body's not having it.

i even had some massages scheduled for tonight. But i knew i din't have the energy or concentration for it. i have to have to figure out a way to be better grounded.

i feel as though i've hit the ground running since i've gotten home from the Philippines. ok more like stumbling and trying to keep my balance while running. while i'm doing well in school, i feel like i'm doing it half ass. i haven't actually worked on folks b/c i haven't set up appointments. i've been really good with keepin up with work that is until this past tuesday. I'm hoping I can use my get out of jail card on this one and be on the straight and narrow from then on. I'm amazed that they still keep me on at JJ. I think my job is balanced on the idea that I am the best banana in the bunch **rim shot**

The other day Rocco even suggested that i need a vacation (to FL perhaps?). The trip to the Philippines was far from one. I am sometimes annoyed when people think that I was lucky to go to the Philippines. i feel that I purposefully need to say that it was for a funeral. If anything I was more stressed when i got back. One of my classmates actually asked if the emotional strain during the trip was ok. (Funny, when my classmates talk like that, ppl who are barely my friends, i stand amazed) i thought that seeing my grandmother getting buried would be fine. I barely knew her really. I only cried b/c Nana was crying. ( i hate seeing her cry.) But my classmate was right, I'm still not over the emotional strain. I was waiting for that emotional release to happen. It kinda happened last week talking with Rocco (crying over silly things really) but i still kinda am expecting the other shoe to drop. Its an awful cycle right now.. being so tired... being stressed out... upset but not knowing why...staying up thinking about it. I need a massage. seriously.