.: Behind the Scenes :.

{written on set about 6:30 - shoot 41 or so}

Ok so I’ve been given a little break. That I seriously need. Seriously.

I’ve been Assistant Director on Devon’s latest film these last few days. And Its been hella fun, a lot of hard work, and just all around brilliant with cast and crew. Not too bad for *just* a student film.

I was feeling particularly good about it. Its amazing how much jackass work I do while not getting paid. In fact, I think I do better work when I don’t get a paycheck. I was feeling so better organized and on task than usual. I also generally feel I did a good job keeping the director on task. So the receiving of two parking tickets seemed petty was something to deal with later.

Bout an hour ago, I broke the windshield of my mother’s SUV, a big phatty Pontiac Mountaineer, that I’d borrowed for the film shoot. Two tickets and a spider webbed shatter on my mom’s car. All in two days.

WOW. I so feel like serious shit. I’m trying to “reframe” my reaction to all this but my first thought, of course, is that I’m a big fuck-up. Despite what good works I do, I mess shit up. And not in a little way either. I simply bang closed the back gate on the truck, b/c hell we’re doing well on time, and slam super long PVC pipe into the window.

I feeeeel like crap. I had to ask for Devon for this small break cause I’ve been on the verge of tears. Getting all frustrated at everyone else’s little dramas whilst I'm stewing in my own. I just had to step back and away. So I can hear Devon running around, and I feel real bad but I need this time or I’d seriously meltdown.

So I’ll help but in a way that’ll help me too. I’m going to be kraft services and cook a pasta dinner for cast and crew and try to calm the hell down. Its funny how cooking and cleaning dishes used to stress me out at my parents house.Right about now it is going to give me a nice piece of mind for now.