.: Stop :.

I just kinda wanna stop.

I want to stop.

I’m really tired of being who I am. I am up for change. But I want to take the needle off the record and be quiet. Just stop.

There must be something about living in an emotional vacuum when you are a child. You don’t really know “good” or “happy”, likewise “sadness”. You can grasp at the ghostly filaments of your relationships and try to weave great dreams. You create and try to survive and be happy with what little scraps you have. Or you can destroy and render apart what binds you to other people. People, that hell of uncertainty, can be severed loose and you can float in the familiar emptiness.

I’ve done both. I’m not sure which is worse… For me, for now, it’s the same. And I still want to stop.