...I'm up and I'm down...

And i'm up again after sleeping most o' the day away... Been reading a couple of my journals... let's do a quick flashback shall we?



24 january 03

ok so what am i feeling now? a little bit of indifference, I can't cry about anything at the moment I feel like I want to give him a bighug and just sleep with him. I feel uncomfortable sleeping with him in his bed. I'm thinking maybe I'm better off just sleeping out here with the cats.

I had a great meeting with Dr. C today. A very insightful 6 month review. I've come a long way.... and we talked extensively about me and J breaking up. And i don't kow if it was Dr. C coddling me but he agreed with me that this "break-up" seemed unnecessary. He actually suggested that J come in with me for a session. Dr. C seemed to think if we could discuss things - esp. concerning our future then we'd find a less stressful way of living together. He'd said something about it being a pivotal point in our relationship. I guess there was a stuff that I was telling Dr. C that I really should've vocalized with J at some point or another. Or we could've and actually should have more discussions about his future.. sigh. I don't know. I put the idea to J and he said he'd think about it.

I don't know. Just now I was thinking maybe I was being just a little too hopeful. Though Nana and most ppl that i talk to say that he'll turn around but I guess we'll see. I'm going to take Nana's advice & just go on as though nothing has really changed and just be sure I don't leave little messes about that would give him reason to get angry with me.

<...and back>

yeah I don't know why I typed J. whatever protecting the innocent er something. He never did go to session with me. and I can now count three times that a dirty dish in the sink has been my undoing. {there's a lesson to be learned!}