.:] It makes my ass twitch...[:.

I have been so full of anger and bile as of late. I've hated and raged and hated and cried and basically flipped out. This all over what woodwork has so succinctly described as "an environment you have absolutely no control over." In a steamed exchange of words over the weekend, my father had told me, "well maybe you should move out." This after I've FINALLY asked him to turn down the music. *sigh*

But after talking to my sisters, they'd convinced me he didn't mean it. However, I've never despised the position I'm in more than I did last night. I just wanted to finish some work at home before going out to do some dancing but another round of loud karaoke and I lost it. Then at some point, while I was getting ready to make my escape, I'd realized for all this crying and banging shit around - No one noticed nor did they care. So two questions: Am I reacting like this expecting to get attention? Does anyone there really give a damn?

It reminds me of a time I had while in Montreal. I was getting really sad and depressed. Yet there was this big beautiful city, a honkin' jazz fete, an exchange, and all my dancey friends from all over were there. It got to the point that slept through all the major exchange events I was so sad. And I was getting upset that no one noticed or seemed to care. It was a worse feeling than when you try to call a load of people and no one picks up.

I din't really have an answer to my problem that weekend. Just tried to enjoy it as much as I could and swore to return to really truly enjoy Montreal. And as so far I don't really have an answer. It might seem as though I'm running away from the problem which I was prone to do in the past, but I'm starting to believe that getting out of this house is just going to be soooooo much more healthier for me. I dunno. Something worth examining in therapy.

On a high note, the unicorn (seriously, chivalry? I thought it a myth.) made a brief appearance at GDS last night. I love dancing with him. Sadly, he'll probably move to France and not Chicago. He must be homesick in a way I'd never know,. The way he'd described the way of life... I'm so jealous. At the least, I'd think I've convinced him visit again before the flies off to Toulouse. Meanwhile, I'm brushing up on my French with Marnie and watching French Kiss again....