.:] Allowed [:.

You'd think that after a KICKARSE show with Liz Phair, I'd be posting lyrics up and down.. but not today.

I woke up this morning with an announcement from my father. (we don't speak anymore, we announce: I'm going out. I'll be home tomorrow.) My granduncle in Cali had died early this morning. I wasn't very close to him. I grew up with him briefly while we lived in California while my Dad was in the Navy. Hedds was very close to him since she'd moved there more than two years ago. She often tells me what a "normal" family life they have out there. So I know, it was tough decision for her to decide to still come home this weekend.

Silly me, I'd panicked at the thought of her not being here. I wasn't sure if I could make it through the weekend much less make it to my father's wedding. I've been talking to her or IMing her everyday. So I was watching my YIM list, looking for her, knowing full well she's busy. And then just wanting talk to someone, anyone but knowing that I can't just spew this on people, I just sat there.

As in most times, those rare moments I bother to let myself be completely still, I heard music. In my head. It wasn't very clear at all. I strained to hear "harder" like looking father out ahead of you on the road to read a sign. Then it came up to me closer and closer like driving up to find the highway you were looking for. And I heard, "...miss you." I'd finally realized that I had MK's song "Allowed" in my head. How comforting is that?

Kitty Mortland - Allowed

You're walking down the street with your guitar and
Your ass-kicking shoes
Working on a song about a girl who
Gave you the blues
You think it's all behind you now but you
Change the names
It ends with you falling in love again
Does it feel the same?

Am I allowed to tell you that I miss you?
Am I allowed to wish that I was there?
Am I allowed to cry my eyes out over you?
Am I allowed to tell you that I care?

Your footsteps take you past my door and you
Stop a while
You read my name on the bell and it
Makes you smile
You think for a moment, "What if I
Rang her up?
I was going to get some coffee, would you
Like a cup?"

Am I allowed to tell you that I miss you?
Am I allowed to wish that I was there?
Am I allowed to cry my eyes out over you?
Am I allowed to tell you that I care?

The time that we spent together was not near enough
The paths of our lives were meant to just barely touch
You gave me more of everything than I think you know
And all there is left to say is I miss you so

I watch you through the window as you
Hesitate
My heart starts to race. I think, "What if
It's not too late?"
Your senses kick back in and you
Walk on by
You're feeling too good today to
See me cry

Am I allowed to tell you that I miss you?
Am I allowed to wish that I was there?
Am I allowed to cry my eyes out over you?
Am I allowed to tell you that I care?
Am I allowed to tell you that I miss you?
Am I allowed to say I miss your face?
Am I allowed to see you at night when I dream?
Am I allowed one last embrace?
Am I allowed...?