...Sleepless...

Truth is I slept pretty well. Crashed out nicely. Which is weird. But I had a hard time waking up. Which is bad.

But as I was thinking of which of the songs was fit to post up. I thought for a moment of MK's new song and then the meanings of all the others - which I think are really applicable to me... But then this song came on.. And the fact that MK got me hooked on him made it complete:

Moby - Porcelain

In my dreams I'm dying all the time
As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
This is goodbye

Tell the truth you never wanted me
Tell me

In my dreams I'm jealous all the time
As I wake I'm going out of my mind
Going out of my mind

And then I woke up and read mitten's last couple of journal entries. I'd realized that I've been pussyfooting around the big issue. I wish I could go ahead and list down all those songs lyrics without having to explain a damn thing.

But truth is I'm still pissed that things hadn't worked out with Jeff and I. I miss him as a friend but it be a joke for me to hang out like nothing was different. Mebbe if we just goofed off it might a been different. Mebbe if I didn't make this resolution to go ahead and give a relationship a try. After laying in bed listening to Porcelain, I'd thought about how evil jealous I'd have gotten if I had to be there while Jeff was dating other Friendsters.

It'd happened with Eddie. I cared about him so much. We still needed to work together and create together but it was so bloody hard. AND really, it wasn't until I was all wacked out and distraught that I finally knew that we were just going to be good friends. Hmmm... I really don't know where he'd gone all I know is that he's married in Taiwan. He was good folk that Eddie. I think that relationship was a bit misleading too now that I think about it.

For all those good times and good intentions, I went through hell.

And then I read the line: "Tell the truth you never wanted me" Ah well.